10 November 2003

dEpReSsEd mOdE.

there are those times that you feel like you're on top of the world.. but then again there are also those times that you feel you're at the lowest of all possible lows in the world. i'm in that mood right now. its weird how these two sayings are so contradicting, yet both so true.. that "when you're down, there's no way but up", and that "what comes up, must come down". yeah, i guess its what makes life exciting, dynamic, and fun.. but its different when you talk about it, as to when you're actually in it..

hay, a very special person to me just announced some very personal things on one of the comment boxes of my blog (sana'y hindi na maki-osyoso ang iba, di ko kasi alam kung paano burahin ang mga comments).. and it got me so depressed because after several days of prodding this person to tell me things, all the answers i've ever gotten are "nothing, wala naman", and bam! here, it hits me. i don't know if it was a deliberate attempt to humiliate me (to whoever reads this blog), or it was an innocent mistake, whatever it was, of course it got me feeling bad. i'm generally a person who enjoys seeing people happy and hate seeing people sad, and when its someone close to you that feels sad, you feel so sad in a sense too, right? hhhay. i don't know what to do.. i'm so lost. this is one of those times that everything crashes right in front of you and you're at a lost stage where you have no idea how to react..

what do you do when you've disappointed a person very dear to you? can you ever really make up for it? how do you even start to explain yourself?

aCoUsTaPeLLa bEneFiT cOnCeRt.

i love having anything to do with benefit events. i've mentioned it before, in a post about the org kythe, that i love doing pro bono work for charity events. its because it fulfills one of my biggest frustrations: that part of my being sickeningly utopian is wanting to help our less fortunate brothers and sisters. its such a cliche-slash-miss-universe answer but its true! (well actually, i think each person has this desire deep down inside of them!) i dunno whether its cause i'm a weakling, or because i value other superficial things more at times that's why i can't value this, or if i really just have no great means to.. but what matters is i know that i do want this deep down inside. anyway! ayan nanaman ako, laging nao-off topic! sorry. anyway, i hosted this acoustic battle of the bands then concert in zobel last saturday night, that was the event of the youth ministry of saint james the great parish. man, are the akafellas good! the only time i've seen them perform was in the manila fashion festival in the fort (they provided the music for the sari-sari show) but now is the only time i've seen a full concert! wow! and they're comedians din pala.. very, very talented bunch of guys! what's even greater is that no matter how popular they are already, they still do pro bono work. they did a whole hour's set for free! its really all about sharing your talent, being grounded with your values, and knowing that you do wanna help out that matters. :) that's just my opinion!

aside from seeing great pinoy talent, i saw great youth faith too. when i was a sophomore in high school, i joined life in the spirit seminar at saint james with my friends. it was around a month's worth of seminars, talks, and prayer meetings, that culminate with a "baptism" in the spirit. i regard it as one of the most amazing times of my life. it was a spiritual high like i've never felt before.. at that time i thought i'd never "backslide" (the term they use to refer to losing the spiritual high) but as time passed, i did. i used to never miss a single prayer meeting, but after a few months, i found myself going out with friends instead of going to church. tsk, tsk. hay. i mean, i do believe in GoD (and goodness gracious, if calasanz my philo teacher asked me to defend if there is a GoD during my final orals, i would defend it with dignity!), i go to mass every sunday, i pray and thank the LorD for blessings he gives me, i pray for other people, i pray to ask things for myself, so in a way i still am spiritual, just not in the way that i was then..

hey, GoD works in mysterious ways right? maybe this slump that i'm feeling is his way of telling me, "psst, pansinin mo naman ako o.."

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